6 December 2011

The Laugh's on Santa

The Laugh's on Santa

To spread some holiday cheer we have put together some of our favourite Christmas jokes as well as some do's and dont's of office Christmas parties. Enjoy!


 CHUCK NORRIS 

  • Christmas cards from Chuck Norris have pop-out feet that roundhouse kick the person who opens the card.
  • Chuck Norris once recieved a piece of coal for Christmas to teach him a lesson. He proceeded to eat the coal and crap out the Hope Diamond.
  • All Chuck Norris wants for Christmas is your two front teeth.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck. 

 


A BIT OF TIMELY ADVICE

You Know You've Had Too Much Festive Cheer at your work Christmas Party when...

  1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
  2. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
  3. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
  4. You strike a match and light your nose.
  5. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
  6. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
  7. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
  8. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
  9. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
  10. You try to pick a fight with loud obnoxious dude... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
  11. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
  12. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
  13. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
  14. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.
  15. You can't remember the name of the person lying naked next to you…

IGNEOUS ROCK

 

(tune: Jingle Bell Rock)

 

Igneous, Igneous, Igneous Rock

Volcanic magma waiting to pop

Bubbling and brewing up bushels of fun

Now eruption time has begun

 

Igneous, Igneous, Igneous Rock

Lava starts flowing; boy, is it hot!

Molten, then cooling in crystalline layers

In the frosty air

 

Sedimentary

Elementary

In all tectonic plates

Metamorphic

We're euphoric

To find that pressure

Turned the shale into slate

 

Silica makes up a rock holding quartz

Basalt and granite blocks

A-mix and a-mingle

And Vesuvian shock

That's the Igneous Rock

 

Igneous, Igneous, Igneous Rock

Extrusive forms when magma is hot

Rising up from the depths of the Earth's core

Onto the surface or on the sea floor

 

Igneous, Igneous, Igneous Rock

Intrusive feldspar is found a lot

Crystallised slowly with grains you can spy

With the naked eye

 

Sedimentary

Elementary

In all tectonic plates

Metamorphic

We're euphoric

To find that pressure

Turned the shale into slate

 

Igneous, Igneous, Igneous Rock

Rocking around the clock

A-mix and a-mingle

And a volcanic block

That's the Igneous

That's the Igneous

That's the Igneous Rock