12 September 2011

Dear Tourism Australia

Dear Tourism Australia,
 
I believe our efforts to stimulate the Australian economy through the tourism dollar may be severely hampered by the Film and Television Industry.
 
If it's not the Dingoes, the deranged psycho killers or drop bears, then Ned Kelly is definitely going to come and get you. We may still attract a certain range of travellers in search of hallucinogenic drugs if you are to consider that The Wiggles, Teletubbies and Hi5 all have at the very least Australian roots. But I would suggest that angling our campaigns towards this demographic would be deemed inappropriate. 
 
Perhaps the most frightening program in the line up is the kindergarten playground live stream that we like to call parliament question time.
 
In light of the startling revelations I have made over the past 10 years about the state of our country and the general psychosis which turns us in to mass serial killers, I believe tourism may now be somewhat of a stretch as a major contributor to economic growth.
 
But fear not. I bring not only Nostradamus' predictions of doom, gloom and eternal damnation. I also have an idea that even Darryl from the Castile could be proud of. And I think it just might work.
 
Now hear me out… We use all of the stock footage, movies, television commercials and parliamentary footage that we can collect and turn ourselves into the world's largest, most sustainable, admired, ground breaking (tired of the superlatives yet??)….. Manufacturer and distributor of two very appropriate products. Adult sized Butterfly nets and Panic Rooms.
 
With giant Butterfly nets, people could placate their deranged neighbours until help arrives. Wrapping them in cosy but restricting netting.
 
When phobia from serial killers, drop bears and adults dressed in fluorescent tutus eventually pushes people towards paranoia, we can sell them 'Australian standards tested' panic rooms.
 
Two simple products to save the Australian economy.
 
Just a thought.
 
Sincerely
A Concerned Citizen