18 September 2012
The Good News Gazette
"Doom is a marvellous computer game and gloom is a good
excuse to stay in bed on a Sunday morning in this edition of the
RockOn Newsletter. Join us in celebrating the good things in life
with the Good News Gazette!"
There's a small sector of our population with superpowers so
great that they hide in plain site. Walking casually down the
street, drinking vats of liquid they described as coffee, but later
found out to be 'nonfat-triple shot-caramel swirl-macchiato-with
double whipped cream'. Whatever that is. Their plan is so
simplistically strange that Maxwell Smart would need to extend his
show by an hour to come to a conclusion. They are the men and women
of... wait for it.... The media.
For your safety we need to advise that the following experiment
was completed by trained professionals and should not be attempted
at home. (Okay. So we didn't complete the entire experiment - Go
with me here.)
Hypothesis:Watching more than 15 minutes of commercial (Admit
it!) news - will inflict upon the viewer a severe case of Chicken
Little syndrome with pronounced symptoms including a propensity to
play in traffic.
So we tie 4 viewers to a chair, remove the remote control from
the room, block all forms of natural lighting, hop them up on
caffeine and fairy bread and then turn on the news. Taking turns at
reciting the headlines as the newsreader repeats them again and
again and again and again each person is monitored for the general
mood and traffic playing impulses over 5 x15 minute periods. We
also did a count on positive news stories versus their sky is
falling counterparts.
We say myth confirmed. Positive news stories
recorded in 5 x 15 minute blocks = 2. The world is going to hell in
a hand basket stories = 45. I now also know that I need to buy a
Total Gym. Chuck Norris told me so. I take this as a positive
outcome from this experience and now feel that I need to tell the
world.
While I ride my Segway back to the point we should probably also
note that every victim (Of course I mean willing participant) of
this experience suffered a severe downturn in their mood after just
5 minutes of news viewing. While they felt more informed they also
felt less empowered to take action. They recounted stories as
foregone conclusions and past events rather than any event that
they could affect or change.
The good news in this story? LOTS!
- Not everything in this world makes the news. Good news is a
rarity because theoretically it is the norm. If you seek it out,
you will definitely find it.
- The TV has an off switch. Use it. Abuse it. But don't regret
it. If the sky really does fall, somebody will let you know through
appropriate channels.
- We're heading into entertainment season. New books, albums,
concerts, movies and even TV shows are coming out. Some of them are
probably even good. Let's check them out.
- Things have been worse and people have been happy. If they
wanted to be.
- Movieworld is opening a new roller coaster. (Yes. This one is
news from the East Coast. Come visit us!)
- McDonald's have lowered the price of their soft serve cones.
Score!
- You read this far into this article and I am now sending you a
present for your loyalty. Seriously. Sit outside and just keep a
sharp eye on your mailbox.
- We have 2 new consultants at Stealth Recruitment! Meet our new
consultants Scott Parsons and Michael
Furze by clicking on their names.
If you look for the negative - you will find it. If you look for
the positive - you will find it. In the end the glass is always
full. Sometimes it's full of water and sometimes it's full of air.
Here at the good news Gazette we choose to see that as a positive.
Are you with us?
Now if you're wondering what's with all of the puppies in
this month's newsletter... I don't know. Just go with it. Puppies
make people happy. Happy people make cupcakes. Cupcakes make people
happy. It's a whole big love in.